Category: Fiction

Yep, that’s the title, and it’s certainly one of my crazier ones.  If memory serves, I made a joke years ago saying that was going to be the name of my next book — and then realized that, actually, I kind of liked it if I could find the right book to go with it.  So I jotted it down and forgot about it until I thought of this first line:  “My dad owns a rubber chicken factory.”

With that, I was off and running, and the result is a strange combination of wacky and poignant as I tell the story of Trevor Livingston and his thousand-mile quest to tell the girl of his dreams how he really feels about her.  And of course, nothing goes quite as expected.  More about the book below.  (It’s available as an ebook now, with the paperback to follow in a few months.)

If you liked The Last Great Getaway of the Water Balloon Boys or President Jock, Vice President Geek, you’ll probably like this one.  It has a very similar tone and feel.  It’s aimed at young adults in the 16-18 range, but I think adult readers might like it even more.

And this is also completes, at least for the short term, what I consider my contemporary YA trilogy.  By contemporary, I mean there’s no fantasy, aliens, or any of that crazy stuff that happens in a lot of my fiction — just modern day teens struggling with modern day issues.  I happen to have a pretty broad taste when it comes to both reading and writing, but for now at least, I’ve said what I want to say on this front and I’m turning my attention to other books for a while. 

What will those books be?  Ah, to answer that question would be to spoil the fun, wouldn’t it?  And of course I don’t always know myself.  Sometimes all I have to go on is a strange title . . .

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The Care and Feeding of Rubber Chickens:  A Novel

by Scott William Carter

Seventeen-year-old Trevor can’t catch a break. Just when he finds out that Janna, the girl of his dreams, is finally available, his mom tells him he’s being shipped off to a boarding school because of his awful grades. A desperate call to his dad, who owns a rubber chicken factory in Las Vegas, gets him nowhere. His father is more interested in enlisting Trevor’s aid writing what he sees as the perfect gag gift – a how-to manual about rubber chickens. That’s Trevor’s life for you. Everyone around him is totally and utterly insane.

But there’s still Janna. He’s had a crush on her since sixth grade. Can he get himself to say the words to her that he’s been rehearsing for years? He finally musters the courage to visit her house and find out.

That’s when everything goes crazy.

*****

Grade 10 Up – “My dad owns a rubber chicken factory.” With this zany first line, readers are launched on a surprisingly poignant coming-of-age journey. Part buddy story, part road trip adventure, and part ruminations on the difference between love and infatuation, Carter offers up a vivid portrait of a young man – Trevor Livingston – who blunders into a thousand-mile quest to tell the girl of his dreams how he really feels about her. Although the book is appropriate for more mature young adult readers, adults may find even greater enjoyment in Trevor’s distinctive voice and abundant references to popular culture – Star Trek and The Princess Bride, for example, are favorite targets. Fans of Carter’s award-winning first novel, The Last Great Getaway of the Water Balloon Boys, are certain to find this heartfelt look at the angst and insanity of modern adolescence an equally riveting read.

Electronic Edition:
Amazon | B&N | Smashwords   

Paperback Edition:
Coming soon.

My science fiction story with a rather long title, “The Android Who Became a Human Who Became an Android,” has been reprinted in the Russian magazine, Esli, which roughly translates as “If” in English.  It was originally published in Analog in September 2010.

I got my contributor copy in the mail over the weekend, mailed all the way from Moscow, and it’s a sweet looking magazine.   First time I’ve been printed in Russian, as far as I know.  Only problem?  I can’t read a word of it.  They even translated my name!  The only way I was able to tell which story was mine was the copyright notice at the end of the story, which was in English.  Another weird moment in being a writer.

By the way, you can now buy this story individually to read in electronic format at Amazon, B&N, or, at Smashwords.com.  It’s a longish tale, nearly short novel length, so it’s a good deal for only 99 cents.  Here’s the blurb and the cover:

~ | ~

The Android Who Became a Human Who Became an Android
by Scott William Carter

It ain’t easy being a private investigator in a galaxy that spans thousand of worlds – especially when you make the mistake of putting your heart on the line. When an old flame of Dexter Duff’s shows up out of the blue, claiming her rich husband is missing, Duff has mixed feelings about getting involved. She’s willing to pay top dollar, though, and like usual, Duff is broke. The case turns even stranger when it turns out her husband, who was once an android, became a human for her sake through a costly and risky procedure – and then went back to being an android when she seemed happier with him the way he was before. Then he vanished without a trace.

Readers of this story may want to check out “The Bear Who Sang Opera,” another story featuring Dexter Duff, as well as other stories set in Carter’s Unity Worlds universe.

Available Now in Electronic Format:  Amazon | B&N | Smashwords

I’ve got a new story out in the latest Realms of Fantasy, “The Man Who Made No Mistakes,” which chronicles a black man with a unique time traveling ability who faces a wrenching ethical delimma.  It’s a longer story, approaching short novel length — a tale of race, murder, and the nature of sin, all wrapped into one.  It’s an idea I made a run at years ago but didn’t get quite right, and the idea stuck with me, so I made a fresh attempt at it.  It’s also accompanied by a stunning — and fitting — illustration by Billy Norrby.

The opening of the story is below.  You can subscribe to Realms of Fantasy or buy individual issues on their website.

The Man Who Made No Mistakes

Scott William Carter

It may have been the steady drone of the rain on the church roof, or it may have been the second bourbon he’d had with dinner, but Father Holder found himself dozing in the confessional.  His whole body was slumping against the heavy oak panels when the young man spoke.

“This won’t be your usual confession,” he said.

The voice jolted Father Holder awake — heart pounding, breath catching in his throat.  For a moment, looking through the thick gray mesh, he thought he’d dreamed the voice, that it was a fabrication concocted from a stomach full of beef stroganoff — but then the young man opened his eyes and Father Holder saw the bright whites, luminescent almost, surrounding a pair of penetrating dark pupils.  That’s when he realized the reason he was having trouble seeing his confessor was because the young man had skin nearly as black as the darkness.

“Oh my,” Father Holder said with a nervous laugh.  His heart was still thundering in his ears.  He also had an embarrassing line of slobber on his cheek, and he wiped it away with his sleeve.  “You do know how to make an entrance, son.”

“Sorry,” the young man said.  “I didn’t know you were sleeping.”

He had just a tinge of a Southern accent, but of a particular variety — Cajun, maybe?  It was barely there, like a radio playing faintly in another room.  Whoever he was, he certainly wasn’t from around here.  Of course, that was true of just about everyone in Las Vegas.

“I wasn’t asleep,” Father Holder said, even as he blinked away the bleariness in his eyes.  “Just resting my eyes a little.  I was — what time is it anyway?”

“Late,” the young man said.  “Very late.  Midnight almost.”

“Ah,” Father Holder sighed, and he was going to say that he should have closed the church an hour ago, but then he would have to admit he’d been nodding off.  Instead he said:  “Well.  I do need to be getting home here soon.  You didn’t start by asking for my blessing, son.  Did you really come to make a confession?”  He felt vaguely guilty for the accusatory tone, but he knew it was because he was feeling defensive.

“Yes.  Of a kind.”

“Of a kind?”

“Well . . . I didn’t ask for your blessing, Father, because I don’t think I sinned.  I did something awful, I guess, but I can’t see how it’s a sin.  I don’t know.  Maybe you can tell me.  All I know is it wasn’t a mistake.  I don’t make mistakes.”

Father Holder chuckled.  The young man didn’t.

“I’m sorry,” Father Holder said.  “I assumed you were joking.”

“No.  I wouldn’t joke about this.”

“Hmm.”

“I just don’t make mistakes.  Even now, after everything, I can say it.  But maybe a mistake and a sin aren’t the same thing.  I guess that’s why I’m here.  That and to tell you my story — I want you to hear it.”

Continued . . .

It’s wet and drizzly and cool here in Oregon’s Willamette Valley — in other words, perfect reading weather.  I’ve posted the prologue and first chapter of my latest fantasy, A Tale of Two Giants, over at the Rymadoon site.  If it’s wet and drizzly and cool where you are (or even if it’s not, I suppose), I hope you take a few minutes and read it.

What is the Rymadoon site?  Well, since much of what I write is not really appropriate for younger readers, I wanted an easy way to help kids (and parents, too, I suppose) know which of my books they might find interesting.  Of course — and this is directed at you, young Johnny — you are perfectly capable of making up your own mind about what you want to read, and I certainly won’t stand in your way.  But then I can say I did my part in helping to protect the innocence of youth.  Think of it as a Surgeon’s General Warning.

(Part of this might stem from the fact that I’ve already gotten a fair amount of criticism from some quarters claiming that my first novel, The Last Great Getaway of the Water Balloon Boys, full as it is of inappropriate stuff, is corrupting young minds all over the world.  So far, however, there hasn’t been quite enough of this criticism to drum up any book burnings or even a school library expulsion or two, but a writer can dream.  Believe me, nothing would please me more than to know my book had been banned.)

Anyway, I’ll be adding to the Rymadoon site from time to time, both with books set in Rymadoon and other books for kids.  And what is Rymadoon, you say?  Well, I actually wrote a poem about it, which I put at the beginning of every book set there:

THE LOST LANDS OF RYMADOON

Fellow traveler, have you ever journeyed to the Lost Lands of Rymadoon?
Have you ever been to Morfen Sley or Ilia or the caverns of Mana Thune?
Have you ever been to Nogero or Willow Isle or the deserts of Giant Bone?
Or perhaps, like others, you’ve discovered a Lost Land all on your own.

Dear traveler, you must be warned of what awaits you in a world like Rymadoon.
There are towering peaks and deep chasms and great cities that now lay in ruin.
There are slumbering dragons and hungry giants and soldiers who never die.
There are even places in the Lost Lands where you never have to say goodbye.

Oh traveler, I fear this will not be your last sojourn to the world with the shadow moon.
I fear you will plunge into a hole or creep through a cave or sing an enchanted tune.
I fear, like me, you will find your way back here, not eventually, not someday, but soon
For no warning or caution or even a rhyme can stop you from returning – to Rymadoon!